I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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