I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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