Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
