I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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