im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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