the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
