I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
