Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
