wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
