My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
