so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
