I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
