Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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