Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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