Your mouth is God's brothel.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
