you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
