Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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