True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
