can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
