I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I deserve this hangover.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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