i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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