i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm having to shit out rocks
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