I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
