got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
