Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
