At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
