This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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