Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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