Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
