Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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