jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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