My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
