Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
