I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
