I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
