ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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