1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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