she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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