non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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