He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
