She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
