a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
