I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
