I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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