best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
