How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
