I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
