New low: just hacked my moms facebook
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
