Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
