I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
