Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
