I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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