We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
