i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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