are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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